literature

For Love

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littlenikita's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

For love; we cry,
For love; we worry,
For love; we sacrifice,
All the things undoubtedly.

For love; we cheer,
For love; we fear,
For love; we endure,
All the things sincerely.

For love; we smile,
For love; we'd walk miles,
For love; we agree,
To change our life style instantly.

For love; we change,
For love; we act so strange,
For love; we permit,
To be ours abruptly.

For love; we are selfish,
For love; we become greedy,
For love; we happily accept,
Defeat, sorrow and grief.
It is fascinating to see the things we are willing to do ... for love.
Comments10
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HuntingForHappiness's avatar
Hi there!  I'm here critiquing on behalf of :icongrammarnazicritiques:. :wave:

I like the idea here, of drawing attention to all the good, bad, and weird things we'll do because of love; it has been done before, but it is still a relevant and human theme.

Personally, I found that what held this poem back from being the most impactful that it could be was that it just wasn't as poetic as it could be.  You make use of repetition to decent effect, but the language itself is plainer than it could be.  It just in general doesn't have all of the aspects that make poetry stand out.  The last stanza is the best in terms of that, and if you took a similar approach to the first four, the whole poem would be improved, I think.

Grammatically, there are a few things that don't quite make sense to me, unfortunately.  The ending of the fourth stanza doesn't seem to follow for me, so it might be worth looking back on that and remind yourself of what you meant to say there, and then see about how it might be clarified.  The use of "all the things" also feels a bit choppy.  On a stylistic note, it's worth mentioning that in poetry, the flow of a piece can be improved a lot by not capitalizing the first letter of every line, and not ending every line with a comma.  The approach that works best is to use grammar the same way you would with prose; this makes it a lot easier to read.

Overall, you have a poem with a good premise, and the last stanza shows me that you have it in you to take this even farther as a poem.  You've got potential, and I think that even just by working on a few more technical aspects, you can improve a whole lot more, and create some great stuff.  Keep up the good writing!