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Literature Text
For love; we cry,
For love; we worry,
For love; we sacrifice,
All the things undoubtedly.
For love; we cheer,
For love; we fear,
For love; we endure,
All the things sincerely.
For love; we smile,
For love; we'd walk miles,
For love; we agree,
To change our life style instantly.
For love; we change,
For love; we act so strange,
For love; we permit,
To be ours abruptly.
For love; we are selfish,
For love; we become greedy,
For love; we happily accept,
Defeat, sorrow and grief.
For love; we worry,
For love; we sacrifice,
All the things undoubtedly.
For love; we cheer,
For love; we fear,
For love; we endure,
All the things sincerely.
For love; we smile,
For love; we'd walk miles,
For love; we agree,
To change our life style instantly.
For love; we change,
For love; we act so strange,
For love; we permit,
To be ours abruptly.
For love; we are selfish,
For love; we become greedy,
For love; we happily accept,
Defeat, sorrow and grief.
Literature
Venus in black leather
in '69 furs were enough
after all,
wearing a dead thing is rather indicative of what you're paying for
but we've clipped off the claws & gave the lion a gun
shaved off the mane and the babbling blonde
for a party city costume
a whip
& something just taboo enough to be a bestseller
I throw down the newspaper--
porn just isn't classy anymore
Literature
Apart from love
They say they never work
But we will let them know
It’s hard enough being alone
But it’s even harder without each other
Because, even though you’ve left my side
I can still hear you cry
Fear that brings all the doubts and lies
Forgive me please if I can’t show you my love from so far
Your heart and mine,
They’re fragile by the tides
We’re bleeding and bleeding
With nowhere to hide
We’ve got no home,
When we’re set so apart
Literature
you should be home by now
last tuesday the house took my hand & said,
it's more of a hurricane than a fire
since he broke in & burned
my curtains
my floors
my bridges
my self
but sometimes I see her with a lighter
& she finishes what he didn't do
(I think she's afraid
of settling in,
being quiet)
but last tuesday I realized that she kept the lights on
to frighten away the bridges & the people
so no one will come inside
& smash the teacups, steal the pipes
because since he burnt her beds out
no one lives there anymore
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It is fascinating to see the things we are willing to do ... for love.
Comments10
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Hi there! I'm here critiquing on behalf of .
I like the idea here, of drawing attention to all the good, bad, and weird things we'll do because of love; it has been done before, but it is still a relevant and human theme.
Personally, I found that what held this poem back from being the most impactful that it could be was that it just wasn't as poetic as it could be. You make use of repetition to decent effect, but the language itself is plainer than it could be. It just in general doesn't have all of the aspects that make poetry stand out. The last stanza is the best in terms of that, and if you took a similar approach to the first four, the whole poem would be improved, I think.
Grammatically, there are a few things that don't quite make sense to me, unfortunately. The ending of the fourth stanza doesn't seem to follow for me, so it might be worth looking back on that and remind yourself of what you meant to say there, and then see about how it might be clarified. The use of "all the things" also feels a bit choppy. On a stylistic note, it's worth mentioning that in poetry, the flow of a piece can be improved a lot by not capitalizing the first letter of every line, and not ending every line with a comma. The approach that works best is to use grammar the same way you would with prose; this makes it a lot easier to read.
Overall, you have a poem with a good premise, and the last stanza shows me that you have it in you to take this even farther as a poem. You've got potential, and I think that even just by working on a few more technical aspects, you can improve a whole lot more, and create some great stuff. Keep up the good writing!
I like the idea here, of drawing attention to all the good, bad, and weird things we'll do because of love; it has been done before, but it is still a relevant and human theme.
Personally, I found that what held this poem back from being the most impactful that it could be was that it just wasn't as poetic as it could be. You make use of repetition to decent effect, but the language itself is plainer than it could be. It just in general doesn't have all of the aspects that make poetry stand out. The last stanza is the best in terms of that, and if you took a similar approach to the first four, the whole poem would be improved, I think.
Grammatically, there are a few things that don't quite make sense to me, unfortunately. The ending of the fourth stanza doesn't seem to follow for me, so it might be worth looking back on that and remind yourself of what you meant to say there, and then see about how it might be clarified. The use of "all the things" also feels a bit choppy. On a stylistic note, it's worth mentioning that in poetry, the flow of a piece can be improved a lot by not capitalizing the first letter of every line, and not ending every line with a comma. The approach that works best is to use grammar the same way you would with prose; this makes it a lot easier to read.
Overall, you have a poem with a good premise, and the last stanza shows me that you have it in you to take this even farther as a poem. You've got potential, and I think that even just by working on a few more technical aspects, you can improve a whole lot more, and create some great stuff. Keep up the good writing!