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Dear You


Dear Tears,

I have a confession. You are some salty living creatures made from the natural bodies of humans. You have the capability to illustrate the strong, dignified and dynamic nature of one's mental state. You are mankind's frienemy. We hate you and yet we love you; such a condescending relationship we share with each other, don't we?

Joy, love and empathy,
Happiness, pride and sympathy,
You come in different flavors.

Loneliness, heartbreak and depression,
Freedom, irritation and frustration,
You have your favorites.

A confusing mystery,
A challenging soul,
You are a puzzle;
But so important

Your presence makes a difference and yet your absence even more,
Without you, one's heart is a bore.

Love,
Me
You remain to be an unsolved mystery.
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

Hi there, it's MagicalJoey from :icongrammarnazicritiques:. This will also be a CRITmas Critique.

 


:bulletred: ST = stanza

:bulletred: L = Line


 

I've read through this piece numerous times, and each time I've hesitated to critique it. I think it's time, it's been in the folder long enough.

 

It's difficult to critique a epistle written to something such as tears, simply because where feeling normally is present sometimes it's written about in an 'unfeeling' way, and emotion is what drives most epistles (letter poems) simply because in writing letters to someone, or something, one normally has more freedom to be emotional.

 

I find that you have approached this in a clinical way. You mention emotions on a superficial level but don't really dig deeper into what those emotions feel like, or how they portray their tears if you are keeping with the topic of the epistle. For example, you mention in ST 2 that the tears come 'in different flavours', but while it's easy to see the distinction between the six emotions named in that ST it's difficult to feel them. I think this piece would be more powerful if one could feel the emotions mentioned. A little bit of imagery, some metaphors and similes, something 'more' than what is already presented.

 

This is punctuated nicely and I appreciate that. So many people don't punctuate poetry, stating it's 'stylistic', and that often detracts from many good poems making them average. Just as no punctuation detracts from a piece good punctuation adds to a piece. You have raised the level of your piece simply by adding excellent punctuation.

 

Overall, this is a powerful little piece that could do with a bit more emotion/imagery.

 

Hope this helps,

Jo

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:iconthe-lost-hope:
The-Lost-Hope Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Interesting topic choice and I have to say a very nice read. Quite well said as well.
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:iconlittlenikita:
littlenikita Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Student Artist

Thank You! :D

 

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:iconthe-lost-hope:
The-Lost-Hope Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome :D
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:iconwolflogics:
wolflogics Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013
impressive :)
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:iconlittlenikita:
littlenikita Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Student Artist

Thank You! :D

 

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October 17, 2013
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